Reflecting on Death and Mourning after the plane crash in Ahmedabad

The tragic plane crash in Ahmedabad is heartbreaking. Especially a smiling selfie of a young family of five, taken moments before take-off and shared with relatives, is reminding us of how unpredictable life can be. Seeing that final photograph, full of innocence and trust in life is painful. Yet at the same time, we should not forget that death is not the end.

In 1982, I wrote a series for a German magazine, which was made into a book in 1985. It was a glossary of 108 common words, seen from the perspective of the Indian Rishis. When I had reached the letter ‘T’, I chose the words Tod (death) and Trauer (mourning).

Only a few days after writing on those two topics, I got a letter with the news of the death of my dearest friend. It was for the first time that I lost someone close… and it gave me an opportunity to practise what I had written. And indeed, already on the very first day, when that devastating letter reached me, I heard inside a voice “Maria be bold, you know that I am not dead”… (I wrote more about it in my book “Thank you India”).
Here is the English translation of what I had written for the German magazine:

On Death

Death – the great terror? The end of everything? The end of life?
Oh no – on the contrary, the Rishis reply. What we usually mean by death is wrong. When we die, we won’t stop existing, even if we would wish for it. Without doubt, the body to which we got used during our lifetime and even the personality we presented to others are “discarded”, because everything that has a beginning, also must have an end. But we should not cry about it, because fighting what we cannot change, is a waste of energy.
At birth, the moment of death is already fixed, the Indian sages say. They compare our life in this world with a play on stage: the curtain goes up and after a while, it will go down again. Our part in the play (Lila) is over, yet what we truly are, is of course still there. We get a break, till we start another play on stage in a different body and with different personality traits. We don’t need to be afraid of the ‘break’ for which death is the ‘birth’, the sages claim – on the contrary!

On Mourning

“Anandamayi Ma once told a true story: A mother was inconsolable over the death of her 12-year old daughter for years. One night her husband had a dream. He saw his daughter – with flowers in her hair in a beautiful surrounding – coming towards him and saying, “I cannot bear any longer Mama’s pain. I’ll come back to you.” Several months later his wife gave birth to a girl…
Whether we believe this story or not, the Indian sages claim that too much mourning is a hindrance for the person who died and they request us to have the courage to let go. The reason is that mourning is a sign how much we were attached to that person, not how much we loved him – and we tend to mix up these two.
Yet in western societies, mourning is seen as a virtue and somebody who does not mourn looks rather suspect. This encourages staying immersed in mourning. Of course, as long as we are attached to someone (and this is probably the case for all of us), it is only natural to suffer at a loss. This suffering can even become an irresistible force which cannot be controlled.
Yet when we are honest, even in the deepest sadness there are moments, when we have the chance to be bold and let go. These moments we need to make use of, the sages advise – in our own interest as well.”

by Maria Wirth